I didn’t know what it was. I had been feeling that something was missing for a while. Something that I once had but now was gone. I was searching trying to find it, but it just seemed like the answers weren’t coming fast enough. And finally, it came to me.
Life has been pretty peaceful lately. My marriage is better than ever, I’ve overcome some big obstacles with my health struggles, homeschooling is going great, my children are healthy, and even though they are teenagers, they are a joy to parent. You would think that a peaceful life would help me find more peace within my soul, yet it’s been the opposite.
I knew one problem had become my lack of prayer. Yes, I still prayed, but nothing to the extent when things were so out of wack. Along with prayer, I also was not meditating as I once had before. And so, with confidence that God would give me direction and answers, I began praying and meditating more and more each day, and even though I wanted the answers right now, I trusted they would be revealed in His time.
Pray, meditate, speculate…. this is the cycle. In my speculating — thinking maybe this is the answer or maybe that is the answer — nothing felt quite right. I knew it would come to me though because I was diligently seeking it.
I write this today because this is the morning it came to me in prayer. Without my struggles, I had lost dependence on my spiritual self. When things get tough, I can tap deeply into that spiritual side because it is my survival. I need it. It is my source of comfort and strength. My escape. However, I have never truly learned how to do it in times of peace because life has never been this peaceful for me.
How do I know that this is the answer I’ve been looking for? Because I felt it deep within my soul as I was allowing my spiritual side to overcome the physical in remembering that my body is only a vessel that carries my soul. I realized I had lost my dependence on the longing that my spirit provided, and I felt this deep sense of well-being, comfort, and purpose. And most importantly, I knew these feelings could be verified by God’s will through His word.
I know this is going to be a new process for me in growth. Once I learned the answer, it did seem so simple and basic, but sometimes applying those basics is not so simple in the new circumstances you find yourself in whether good or bad. I have lived through many years of heartache. This peace is what I have prayed and striven for. Now, I need to learn to enjoy the peace God has granted, while still connecting to the spiritual side that longs for Him, until the next trial comes.
The Father Who guides my spirit by His word, thank you for the answers You give when I diligently seek You in prayer. In patience I wait for you any time I am unsettled. Thank you for the peaceful times that I have in my life. Please teach me to become dependent on my spiritual self even in these times as I daily prepare myself and others for eternity with You. I know all things good are done by walking according to Your Spirit in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Truth in love,