If I had to do it all again, I would have trusted him sooner.
Luke walked through the door of our fifth wheel and said it was time to leave California. He had spent the last three years working various projects as a lineman and we had lived in many different places. It was a fun life; one I had gotten comfortable with. And now, my husband, was shaking my comfort once again with this announcement.
“Here we go again,” I thought as the anxiety welled up, feeling the uncertainty of what was next. “Why can’t he just stick with something for more than a few years?”
These were familar thoughts from the past regarding my husband’s various changes in ventures. Yet, this time something in me was different. After the initial anger and anxiety, I had one of those pivotal moments that brought clarity and rebuke upon myself. I finally realized that no matter what new venture Luke has sought, he has always provided for our family. Not just provided though, but given more than what we needed. Maybe he didn’t fit in my secure little box of a husband that would stay at one job or one place for years and years, but he definitely made certain that his family was never left wanting. How I wish I would have credited this to him sooner instead of trying to control and mold him into who I thought he should be. How I wish I would have trusted him sooner instead of wasting 14 years of our marriage with this unproductive mindset. How I wish I would have seen my folly sooner.
Trust is earned by someone consistently doing the right things over time. The time is not definite and each relationship is unique in the levels of trust that can be gained. However, someone can still be doing all the right things but not gain an individual’s trust. There’s something within the individual that is causing them to withhold it. It could be any number of things such as past hurts, preconceived ideas of how things should be, fear of loss, issues with control, past failures of either person, or unrealistic expectations. This can be hindering or damaging to any relationship especially a marriage. Whatever the case may be, it’s apparent that we start examining ourselves so we can give credit where credit is due if we ever want to get out of this trap and create flourishing bonds.
Wives, your husband needs the recognition of your trust where deserving. He is not perfect, he will fail at times, and he may go about things differently than what you expect, but remember, he is learning how to lead your family. Be his helper in this marital journey by verbally and mentally crediting him for his efforts and supporting him in his struggle to find the best way to live out his ambitions while providing for his family. When a noble husband knows he has gained his wife’s trust, he then becomes more confident to lead and love his family in the way God has instructed. Trust then compounds between you two and the bonds of matrimony become stronger. When you finally let go and give what should have been given so long ago, you then will wonder how you could’ve ever been so foolish as to withhold trust that is now reaping adundant rewards.
Faithful God, You are perfect and the One I can fully place my trust in. I am not perfect nor is any other man living. Because of this, sometimes it is difficult for me to place a good measure of trust in my husband who is deserving of it. Help me to see his honest efforts to lead our family and to be the helper he needs to build his confidence in guiding us by Your instruction. Show me the ways in which I am withholding trust he so rightly deserves. Thank you for the trust we do have between each other and all the abundant rewards that we experience because of it. Amen.
Truth in love,
Proverbs 14:2; 16:24; 21:19; 25:11